Stop Trying to Learn How to Stop Caring

The key to learning how to stop caring what others think is to act despite caring!
Let’s face it. People are very distracting!
As new creatives, learning how to stop caring is important to our development. It is easy to get into the cycle of doing what you “should” do. But, we risk becoming distracted and socially persuaded into a direction we do not want. We risk not committing to the goals and desires we value.

The Cycle of Distraction

Picture this!
You finally decided to go after your dreams. You create this big elaborate plan that you absolutely love. You’re so excited that you go and tell everyone. Your family, your friends, the stranger in the elevator.
And that’s when it all starts to go south.
With one opinion, all the self-doubt starts creeping in: “What if this is too ambitious? “What if I’m not making the right choice?” “What if I’m not talented enough to accomplish this goal?”
That’s when you start to change your plans. You take those expectations and opinions that you received. And you shift, just a little bit. And a little bit more. Until your plan is basically unrecognizable.
And now, all the motivation and excitement is gone. And you’re back to square one.
It’s so easy to get stuck in the cycle. Trust me I’ve been there!
When I finally decided that I wanted to switch from a scientific career to a creative one, I got stuck in the cycle too. For A WHILE!
I’d get all excited about my final decision, create a plan to get there, tell someone a little too soon, and get knocked back down to square one. Persuaded right back into the path I knew I didn’t want.
But there’s hope!
It took me a while to realize that creating the life you truly want is an emotional process. And emotional processes require emotional boundaries. When I started creating emotional boundaries, I actually started making progress.
I was able to protect my creative energy enough to get projects off the ground. And that’s what we truly want, isn’t it?
So, let’s get you out of the cycle! My official course on how to stop caring from a person who cares a little too much.

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Productive Emotional Reflection

If you care a little too much, it’s most likely that you are a people pleaser. And we people pleasers love to neglect our own emotions.
We spend time pushing down feelings to make the people around us feel comfortable. Especially when it comes to our personal projects and aspirations.
And sometimes it’s OK. Honestly, being a people pleaser is not always a bad thing.
Journalling has always helped me to connect with my emotions. However, I was using journalling as a release of emotions, instead of a way to plan and create solutions.
Instead of using my emotions as tools. I would release them and return back to the same faulty strategies.
When I started using my bullet journal, it gave me a new perspective. I forced myself to be more productive with my journaling and reflection.
Ryder Caroll has a very good video on rapid logging and journaling, which I highly recommend.
But the reason why it works so well is because it forces you to align with and acknowledge your emotions. All emotions.
Remember: your emotions are information. They give you insight into what you desire and what you don’t. They are not something to be scared of. But a tool for us to use to create the life we truly want.
When we align with our emotions and we seek to acknowledge them, we can make amazing progress. We can learn how to stop caring by identifying and acknowledging those emotions.
But, acknowledging our emotions is not the only thing we need to do to learn how to stop caring.

Realign with Your Values and Goals

This is probably the hardest part. But, the most crucial thing when learning how to stop caring!
Realigning with your values and goals allows you to refocus on what’s important. It forces you to think long-term rather than short-term.
I like to call myself an emotionally colorful person. I feel my emotions very deeply. And this is a great asset when you are an actor and writer.
But, emotions are impulsive. And they can sometimes lead us astray.
Emotions tell us to buy that cinnamon bun because we’ve had a crappy day. Or we are too tired to work on our screenplay. Or not to go to the audition because we’re not gonna get the part anyway.
But values tell us that cooking at home will make us feel better than that cinnamon bun. Or that working on our screenplay is the best use of our time and energy right now. Or that we are still valuable even if we don’t get the part.
Learn to take a deep breath. Think about what your future self would do in the situation. Or what you can do to get closer to your future self. And take that action instead of the one that your emotions are telling you to do.
Sometimes it helps to have future plans to refer to when you do this. An outline of your ideal future self. When learning how to stop caring, remembering your goals and values can bring you back to reality. It can help you to plan for the reality you want to create for yourself.
When you plan to move toward your values, you will always be moving in the right direction.

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Take Immediate Action

A plan without action is useless and will get you nowhere!
So to get closer to what we want, we need to start taking action.
I’m a planner. Actually, I’m an over-planner. “Plan to plan to plan” as my mother says. But, overplanning keeps us from getting closer to what we want.
Stagnation will kill our creative energy. Stagnation will get stuck in emotional loops.
That’s why I’ve been practicing keeping the planning sessions short and minimal.
Make a quick plan. I’m talking about no more than 2-5 next actions. These actions need to be tangible with very clear finish lines.
For example: “Write a five-sentence outline of my screenplay”, “Ask 10 strangers to help me figure out my acting types”, “Create a simple workout plan that is only one hour”.
You might be thinking “What does this have to do with learning how to stop caring?”
The truth is your goal is not to learn how to stop caring what others think of you. Instead, it is to learn how to take action, even when you do care.
You will always care, at least a little. It’s in our blood. But, you do not have to let caring dictate how your life will go.

Stop Speaking Too Early

The cycle of distraction starts when we tell people before we are ready to receive opinions.
When we open vulnerable projects up for opinions, it is harder to know how to stop caring.
It is easy to tell people because we’re so excited. But it is important that we learn how to act in silence.
This is not to say that you have to keep it a secret for the rest of your life.
Setting this boundary in relationships is important to keep you from becoming distracted.
Instead, try to slow release. Take some action without telling someone. When you’re ready, tell a trusted person. Someone you know won’t discourage or distract you. Someone who will be encouraging and help you plan toward your goals. And then, you can release that information to the people who might be more critical, even if they love you.
This removes the chances of being persuaded by others’ opinions and expectations. It forces you to create your own opinions and expectations without the input of others.
This is crucial in learning how to stop caring what other people think of you.

Strategize Through Obstacles

Obstacles can be so frustrating! But the truth is, they are our friends.
When we encounter an obstacle, our first instinct is to get emotional and feel defeated.
Obstacles give us insight into where our systems and strategies are breaking down. They tell us how we can do better. How we can improve. How we can be more efficient.
When we learn how to productively plan through obstacles, we build self-trust. We learn that we can get through difficult situations and challenges. This self-trust gives us the confidence we need to know how to stop caring.

Learning How to Stop Caring is a Journey

Learning how to stop caring is a tedious process. It requires you to practice living in your truth, even when it’s hard.
When we use these tools, we can escape this cycle of distraction. We can avoid being persuaded by emotions and people. We can create a life that we truly love.
When we start taking action toward something important to us. Even though we care about other people’s opinions, they cannot hold us back from our goals. It can only make us stronger.