How I’m changing my life in 2023 and How you can too
So you want to change your life completely?
Welcome to your quarter-life crisis!
It is always hard to realize that the life you are living is nothing how you imagined or want it to be.
It is discouraging, even scary, to try and change paths. Especially, when the path that is desirable to you is one less taken.
We can feel stuck between others’ expectations and our own goals or aspirations.
Luckily for us, changing your life for the better is much easier than you might think. With a few months of effort and determination, we can be back on the right path to our dream life.
Am I too old to start over?
No! In our 20s, we can be a little dramatic.
We think there is no way we can change our lives when we’ve come this far. “How can I change my life in my 20s? Isn’t that too old?”
The truth is our age does not impact our ability to change our lives. In fact, people do it at all ages! So, why do we feel burdened?
As we get older, our responsibilities grow and it gets harder to make decisions for our lives. But, with a little strategic thinking, we can make the changes we need to pursue our dream life.
Is Changing Your Life Worth It?
YES! Absolutely!
It may feel easier to hold back for fear of judgment or obligation to others’ expectations. However, in the long run, it can have detrimental effects on our mental health.
We teach ourselves that our opinions and desires are not as important as others. We learn to not trust ourselves and to seek external validation.
In the end, we are the ones who live with our life decisions, not the other people in our lives. If we choose a career we know we don’t like, we are the ones who have to deal with that decision every day. Not our parents, friends, siblings, or partners.
For this reason, we need to learn to value our own opinions, emotions, desires, and dreams. Your dreams are gifts that deserve to be pursued.
I am of the belief that life should be enjoyable and exciting, not just tolerable!
How long does it take to change your life?
Shorter than you think! When our goals require us to gain new skills or experiences, we can get discouraged. We tend to tell ourselves that it will take too long. But the truth is 6 months can be life-changing to alter the direction of our lives.
With 6 months of deliberate action, we can gain and grow new skills. We can cultivate new habits. When we are strategic, we can completely change our lifestyles in a matter of months.
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So, are you ready to grab life by the reins and take control?
It’s time to take deliberate action toward your goals and change your life for the better.
Here is the strategy I’ll be using to completely change my life in 2023:
How to turn your life around in 12 months?
Let’s get real about change!
If you are anything like me, you love the word change until you have to actually do the work. The truth is change is hard. It requires you to get out of your fantasy world and into reality. And reality SUCKS!
Personally, I much prefer my information sinkhole. Spending all my time learning about how to change, but never doing it.
But, the hard part is looking back 5 years in the future to see I’ve made little to no progress.
The truth is often simple, but never easy.
When people talk about how to change your life, most people say the same thing. True impactful change requires 3 important ingredients: Reflection, Strategy, and Action
You need to get real with yourself about what you want and what is holding you back. You need a plan. And you need to get up and actually do the plan.
Simple, right? Well, let’s get into it!
[INSERT: graphic with The Change formula/cycle: Change = Reflection + Strategy + Action]
Reflection – What do you truly desire? What is really holding you back?
Time to get out your reflection tool!
Personally, I find journaling is most effective for me. But, use what works for you!
Decide Your North Star
Record everything you currently know about how you want your life to look.
Be real with yourself. Even if what you are writing feels stupid, selfish, or impossible. Write it down. Stream of consciousness style. You just want to capture whatever comes to mind. They are not requirements, but different possibilities for your life.
Is your dream to become a starring actor in a TV series on Netflix? To make money being a novelist? To travel around and write fictional screenplays based on the places you visit? To meet Oprah?
Great! Write it down. Just capture. Don’t judge. This does not have to be perfect.
Remember: It’s ok to not know everything about what you want your life to look like. Is all you know that you want a dog and your own apartment? Great! Or do you have an extremely detailed daydream all the way down to the color of the curtains you’ll hang in your forever home? Perfect!
If you can’t think of anything, think about what would be exciting. Think about your interests. Here are some questions to get you started [INSERT: Link to Digital Product – Journal Prompts to Change Your Life]:
- What do you want your physical self to look like? Feel like?
- What do you want spiritually? Emotionally? Financially? Personally? Mentally? Professionally? Relationally?
- What are the feelings that come to mind or words when you think about your dream life? Freedom? Self Expression? Confidence? Creative? Intimacy? What do those feelings look like physically?
- Are there any accomplishments or awards you want to achieve?
Please do NOT write down what you think you should want or do. Do not write down what other people expect you to achieve.
Write down what YOU want. Write down what is exciting to you. If that aligns with what others want for you, then great! But, you should not adjust your desires to better fit other people’s expectations.
I like to call my goals my north stars. Why? Because stars are tools for direction, not a destination. Sure, maybe you will make it there in the process, but that is not the goal. The goal is to have an idea of where you want to go. To understand what is important to you. If you want to become your class valedictorian, then it shows you that education is important to you. If you dream of accepting an Oscar or an Emmy, then it shows you that acting, film, or TV are important to you.
Please remember that these are North Stars. This does not mean that you are required to achieve that dream. But, it does point you in the right direction.
We must be flexible with our north stars as we learn more about ourselves and our desires. These goals might be very important for us right now. But, our goals will naturally change and adapt as our lives evolve and we have new experiences. Please allow room for self-discovery [INSERT: Link to BP – Guide to Self-Discovery]
Now, what is the dream that, if you accomplished today, would change everything?
Highlight it. We will start here.
Great, you have your North Star!
Assess your barriers
That was the fun part! Now, it’s time to bring it into reality.
What is stopping you from changing? What are the negative thoughts that come up when you think about your goals?
Negative thoughts are information. We do not need to judge or even try to resolve the issues right now. Notice them. And write them down.
Here are some questions to get you thinking:
- When you were reflecting on your north star, what are some thoughts that came up?
- What are you scared will happen if you decide to go after your dreams?
- What are some physical barriers? Do you need more money? More time? More energy? More space?
- What are some emotional barriers? Are you scared of others’ expectations? Do you lack confidence in your skills and abilities? Do you lack discipline and willpower?
- What are your “productive” procrastination habits? What do you do when you don’t want to do what is most important?
- Are there any common themes? Family expectations? Self Confidence [INSERT: Link to BP – Build Your Confidence]? Lack of Skills? Current Job?
- Where do you usually break down when trying to achieve your goals?
By assessing your barriers, you can create an effective plan for yourself. We need to know where we get stuck to understand how to get around these barriers.
Sometimes, we can get into self-sabotaging cycles. We don’t always see these cycles. We must sit down and take a deep look at our negative self-talk and where our goals break down to understand them.
My self-sabotaging cycle is overplanning. I would get stuck in the planning stage because it felt safe. I am naturally a big daydreamer. Planning was a way to safely daydream. It felt like I was doing something without needing to take action. But without action, I could never finish what mattered to me. I discovered that my self-confidence was low.
I discovered that I was self-conscious about my thoughts, skills, and abilities. I held a belief that I was unable to follow through on what was important to me.
The point is that your barriers are not always going to be obvious. Although they can hide from your conscious mind, they can not hide from your actions. Reflect on your previous actions and you’ll easily find the reason why it always goes wrong.
Strategy – What can you do to overcome these barriers?
Look at what you wrote down, especially the common themes. What are some strategies you could use to overcome these sticky barriers? If you could only change 1 thing, what could you do that would have a major impact on your ability to go after your goal?
Starting a blog but can never finish a post? Maybe you need to write in a coffee shop to keep away from distracting roommates. Stuck overplanning? Maybe you need a new productivity system [INSERT: Link to BP on New Bujo Method w. Setup Video] that makes planning quick and easy. Don’t have enough energy? Maybe you need to change to a job that is less demanding or draining. Or maybe you need new friends that drag you outside every so often? Or maybe you need to move to a new city where there is more to do?
Whatever it is, write it down.
Congrats! You have your first project towards your brand new life!
Environment is Key
If you want to make real change, you need to adjust your environment. Make it as hard as possible to do what you don’t want, and as easy as possible to do what you do want.
Leaf has a great video on this:
[INSERT: video from Leafe on how to wake up at 4 am]
Leafe talks about this in relation to your morning routine, but we can apply this to just about everything!
Want to write your screenplay at 3:00 pm when your creativity is high? Download an app to shut down everything but Google Drive at 2:59 pm. Need to meditate to relax your mind? Sign up for an evening yoga class. Need more friends? Join a social group on Facebook and turn on the notifications.
Timers and notifications are my holy grail! I would not remember anything without them.
Don’t worry about getting it perfect. Think about what you can do to remove your most prevalent barrier. It’s all about the next right action.
Romanticize the Process
Now, it’s time to do some decision-making.
Review your goals, barriers, and the next actions we want to make. What are we going to commit to?
Don’t say everything! You can not change everything at one time. Trust me. I’ve tried!
Think about the daily and weekly actions. If you want to write a screenplay, are you willing to commit to a month or 2 of solid evening writing? If you want to become a working actor, are you willing to commit to professional acting classes?
Alexis Sparks speaks about this perfectly in her video “”:
[INSERT: Alexis Sparks Video on…]
Reflect on the process. What does this goal look like while you are in the weeds? Does that sound enjoyable to you? Are you willing to sit in that commitment for the time necessary to do that goal?
Break it Down
Personally, I find it helpful to lay out my goals in a timeline. I use the Bujo Year at a Glance Method to break it up into weeks.
This video by Ryder Caroll goes more into how to use this bujo spread:
[INSERT: Bujo Year-at-a-Glance Video]
My energy fluctuations throughout the week. So, weekly tasks work better for me. But, it might be more helpful for you to split it into Daily Tasks.
Also, it might be helpful to use SMART goals when breaking down your projects and tasks.
I know! You’re probably thinking, “Not SMART goals again!” But, hear me out.
Making SMART goals for our next steps can help us stay focused and achieve things on time. When you don’t make your goals urgent, they never become urgent. Urgency pushes us to get things done.
SMART goals stand for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Bound. If you would like a quick introduction to SMART goals and how to make them, watch this video:
[INSERT: Video about making SMART Goals]
Don’t over-plan! Remember your north star is a direction, not necessarily a destination.
It is unnecessary to plan each step until you reach your north star. Why? Because when your life inevitably changes, your goals and timelines will too. And when that happens, your plan is out of date.
Only think about the next few months. What will you need to achieve to be one step closer to changing your life?
Plan what is necessary to take the next right action.
One thing to remember is that planning or deciding are not actions! What is it that you need to make the decision? Do you need more research? Try spending some time watching day-in-the-life videos. Or ask someone who is doing what you want to do.
But, you are never going to be able to make a decision without taking some action towards that goal. So figure out the next tangible action.
Just Take Action – It’s Now or Never
Once you know the next right step. Get started ASAP!
Everything else you will be able to figure out on the way. You can only learn the next steps as you take action.
The quicker you take action, the easier it will be. You’ve already created momentum with the planning phase. Use that momentum to take action.
Taking action is the whole point. If you mess up, get back up! Reflect on where it went wrong, figure out how to change the results, and start taking action again.
It’s A Cycle
While you are taking action, it is important to keep the reflection process going. You want to get in the habit of noting when you breakdown, what you love, what you hate, and your energy levels. Anything that might be impacting your goal progress, you want to write it down. Practice reflecting and revisiting these reflections to improve your strategies and goals.
Most importantly, forgive yourself! You’re not going to be perfect on this journey. So, don’t expect yourself to be. You can only change your next step forward.
Your life deserves to be exciting and fulfilling to you. You need to be the one to take action and move in the direction you desire. In the end, only you can live your life for yourself.
[INSERT: Quote from “You’re a Badass” about how people usually tip-toe through life to die safely.]
I’ll see you out there!
Love,
Ryn
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Screels helps aspiring film actors and screenwriters create their dream life. It’s time to live a more authentic, creative, connected life.
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